An editor, presumably
Re: A quick question
“Please remove me from this mailing list.”
☕ Est. recentlyNot an agency
Joe needslinks.You needcoffee.
Joe has read your article, researched a useful addition, and prepared a $20 coffee thank-you for your time. He’s aware this is an unusual way to make friends.
Got an email from Joe? Your personal link is in it. Joe doesn’t publish anyone’s invitation.
Visitor pass
#000404
Joe
- ROLE
- SEO Specialist
- DEPT
- Links (pending)
- CLEARANCE
- Lobby only
- EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
- Not yet
INVENTED CHARACTER · NOT A REAL EMPLOYEE
Meet Joe
This is Joe.
Joe works in SEO.
His job is to get websites to link to other websites.
It sounds simple.
It is not.
After sending several hundred carefully personalized emails into the void, Joe decided to try something different.
Coffee. Specifically, buying people coffee.
Joe’s manager has questions.
How it works
A very normal
business arrangement.
Process diagram approved by: nobody.
Revision 47.
Joe reads your article.
Unlike approximately 94% of the people emailing you about backlinks.
* Statistic sourced from Joe’s feelings.
Joe does his homework.
He finds a specific opportunity, researches it, and drafts an actual suggestion.
* He uses a highlighter. A physical one.
You consider it independently.
Agree, disagree, or tell Joe his understanding of editorial standards is deeply flawed.
* All three outcomes are emotionally prepared for.
Coffee.
Eligible invitees can claim a $20 thank-you without agreeing to publish anything. Publication gift rules come first.
* The coffee is not a bribe. The coffee is a coffee.
The fine print, in normal print: the coffee is a thank-you for your time, never payment for a link. It doesn’t depend on publishing, linking or saying nice things. If your publication doesn’t allow gifts, please decline — Joe will be fine. Any paid or sponsored placement is always disclosed and marked as such.
Live-ish telemetry
Joe’s current
emotional state
Status:Cautiously devastated.
Mood engine (reacts to real counts)
Joe is warming up. The numbers below are real, and currently zero.
Emails sent
0
Drafts only. So many drafts.
Articles researched
0
Joe is still reading.
Replies received
0
Inbox: suspiciously calm.
Links verified
0
Checked against the live page. Strict.
Coffees purchased
0
The coffee fund is untouched.
Joe’s remaining dignity
Fictional12%
Made up. Also low.
Every number above is a real count from Joe’s database — and right now they’re all zero, because Joe hasn’t started yet. He will not be inventing activity to look busy.
A retrospective
Great moments in Joe’s professional career
Dramatized · Not real replies
A S Someone at a magazine
Re: Loved your article!
“Who is Joe?”
E Editorial team
Re: Collaboration opportunity
“We do not accept guest posts.”
G Gino’s Trattoria
Re: Your article on secondary markets
“This is a restaurant.”
n (no name)
Re: Re: Re: Following up
“Unsubscribe.”
O Office Manager
Re: Resource suggestion
“Please stop sending emails to our fax machine.”
Joe’s Rejection Generator™
Pre-experience your “no.”
Joe has built a machine that rejects him on demand, so he can practice. All lines are fictional.
Press the button. Joe is bracing.
Frequently asked
Questions
Joe gets a lot
Is this real?
Unfortunately for Joe, yes.
Must I publish a link for coffee?
No. Editorial decisions are yours alone; coffee is not payment for placement.
What if I don’t drink coffee?
Joe respects your lifestyle choices. Eligible alternatives may be available.
What if my employer prohibits gifts?
Please decline. Joe does not want you in trouble.
Can I say no?
Absolutely. Joe has extensive experience with this.
Is Joe okay?
Define okay.
Did Joe email you?
Your invitation has a personal link with Joe’s exact suggestion for your article. If you can’t find it, reply to Joe’s email and he’ll resend it — he’s very responsive. Painfully so.